Of all the aberrant gadgetry one may conjure in his sleep, why this? The Asspeaker clearly borders between technological wizardy and blatant sex novelty. Still, it does evoke a sense of guilt-stricken appreciation of how far we’ve come in terms of aesthetically pleasing concept designs.

Ok, so how does it work? Give the ‘cheeks’ a gentle tap (note: gentle) to turn the sex-plagued object on. To manipulate volume output, just fondle the smooth surface to get your desired level of ‘noise’. Amazing.